Ian Parker on Clubhouse

Bio

📍HTX • TSU c/o ‘21 • U.S. Army

I party like its 1999
I never perspire
My strengths outweigh my weaknesses
I'm constantly caller #9 and win tickets to all the best concerts
I bowl 300
I have made extraordinary four course meals using only a spatula and a toaster oven
I'm an amazing hugger and a world class cuddler
I dance with the stars
I consistently beat Chuck Norris at arm wrestling
I delivered a baby while riding The Zipper at the county fair
I once read Paradise Lost, The Odyssey, and War & Peace all in one day, and still had time to refurbish an entire dining room that evening
I teach old dogs new tricks
I shower daily
Sushi is my favorite food group
I bake 30 minute brownies in 20 minutes flat
Moms love me and children wanna be me
I know the exact location of everything in the supermarket
Every day is my lucky day
I'm 5'11" on paper but 6'10" when you tickle me
When you meet me, the pleasure will be all yours
I eat soup
I'm a go-getta
I sleep thrice a day
I engage in conversation so ground breaking, the content should be scripted and widely distributed
My foreplay is better than any sex you ever had
Basically....I'm the man.